Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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