So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
