wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
