She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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