DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
