i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
