I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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