All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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