now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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