I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
