who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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