There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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