Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
