i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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