Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
