you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
