I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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