took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
