fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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