Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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