upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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