I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
