So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
