I think im going to throw up on grandma
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
