That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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