dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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