just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
