Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
