my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
