tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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