so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
