Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
