my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
