We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
