Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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