dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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