Banned from zoo.
Again?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
