Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
