i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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