Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
