Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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