??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
