guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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