Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We left the knife in your bed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
