i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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