I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
