take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
