You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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