4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
