i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize