How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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