my sisters under your porch take her home
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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