I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
