I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
